'Jesus invites us to give him everything. That's risky' Pete Burak on living the fulness of life as a man
- Andy Drozdziak
- Apr 15
- 6 min read
Updated: Apr 17
Pete Burak, who was speaking to Andy Drozdziak after the release of controversial Netflix documentary Inside the Manosphere, is calling on men to be role models and mentors to younger men to enable them to be fully human and fully alive in Christ.
‘It's so seductive and it's so fake. It's all kind of superficial, but there is a roadmap for fulfilment. There is a roadmap for maturity. There's a roadmap of holiness’-Pete Burak
Burak was speaking here of Netflix documentary Inside the Manosphere, in which documentarian Louis Theroux explores controversial influencers and their concerning patterns of extreme masculine behaviours. The "manosphere" has been described as “a toxic and misogynistic online world” in which men denounce women as ‘subordinates’ and promote racist viewpoints. British influencer Harrison Sullivan, who appears in the documentary, refers to his partner as the "dishwasher.”
This misogynistic and disturbing outlook, which is being embraced by many teenagers, has been called “a wake-up call” for the Church. It is certainly a concern for Burak, the Vice President of American group Renewal Ministries, which seeks to foster renewal in the Catholic Church through the power of the Holy Spirit. Having waded into the debate, he believes the ‘roadmap of holiness’ offers a far more fulfilling path than the dysfunctional world of the manosphere.
False narratives shared with young men
Describing the current crisis of masculinity as “a crisis of truth”, Burak, a graduate of Franciscan University of Steubenville, believes there are two stories currently being told to young men: firstly, that “to be a man is inherently bad” because “men have done horrible things throughout history in the name of masculinity.” The other view states that men “shouldn't be ashamed of our masculinity” and “all those deep desires that we have, for power, for influence, for sexual pleasure, for money, should be lived out to their fullest without any constraint.” The result, for Burak, is that “on one side you have an emasculated men and on the other side you have an Uber man.” He added: “And both are wrong.”
So what is the solution? Burak recently wrote a book, A Man on Purpose: 10 Rules of Life from a Faithful Father, inspired by lessons from his own father. In the book, Burak explores questions such as: What do boys need to know and experience to become men of God? What do women need to hear and understand to help empower the men in their lives?
Noting that “in most of human history, almost every culture has some sort of rite of passage moment for their boys to become men,” Burak shared how his father created a unique ‘rite of passage’ for his sons on their 16th birthdays.
“On my 16th birthday, he brought me to a restaurant. And in the back room of the restaurant, the 6 or 7 most important men in my life were waiting for me. And for a couple of hours we had dinner together. But then they each read me a letter they had written me about what it meant to be a man of God from their perspective.”
Further letters, from other men Burak knew, were presented to him in a binder.
He said: “I'll never forget; (my Dad) took the binder and slapped it across my chest and he said: Okay, son. We love you. We believe in you. We're proud of you. You can ask us for anything — except for money! — but we're standing behind you. And he said: And this is what we're expecting of you. This is who you are.”
'So much of fatherhood is just being intentional'
It was both an affirmation and a challenge, given by a community “that my parents had developed, that they had invested in, was discipling us.” He added: “It was a communal effort because there's no substitute for your own father. But your father needs friends, needs collaborators in this formation, especially of young boys.”
Considering the current context, Burak believes men who are alive in the Spirit must be intentional about discipling and mentoring younger men.
“To have other men who you respect, being the example of what you're being formed in, is massively powerful,” he said.
“Discipleship and the type of formation that we're describing is just never very convenient. So much of fatherhood is just being intentional. It was not easier for my dad to do what I just described (on his 16th birthday). He had to spend some money. He had to spend some time. He had to use some creativity. It was not convenient to do that. But it was incredibly powerful and fruitful.”
Burak acknowledged that, for many men, it's easy to “just end up drifting through” life. He underlined the importance of listening and being obedient to God’s call, urging men to “rely more and more on the Holy Spirit, and really carve out space as regularly as possible to listen to the Lord and be intentional.”
Failure and discipleship: what are you willing to lay down your life for?
One area which Burak has explored himself is risk taking, and learning to deal with defeat or failure. Burak’s 7-year-old son, Zeke, asked if he join the local Irish Wrestling Club, started by some local dads. One experience in particular showed Burak how defeat and failure, when used well and appropriately, can be good tools to help young men grow into men of God.
During one wrestling contest, Zeke was “pinned, quickly and decisively,” causing him to cry from "the physical and emotional pain.”
In response, one of the wrestling coaches held his shoulders, looked Zeke “directly in the eyes and started teaching him. Instruction morphed into encouragement, and I watched this grown man lovingly lead my young son.”
Burak said: “One of the things I've learned about the great sport of wrestling is it's just filled with failure. You walk out on that mat and sometimes you're going to just get whooped.
“Failure is going to happen, but we're actually going to give you the strength through these experiences to not be afraid of failure. I see how important that is for young men to have those types of experiences.”
“That's what discipleship is all about: what are you willing to lay down your life for? Jesus invites us to give him everything. That's risky. That's an exchange that you have to really consider.”
'The Lord is calling us to share him with those who are already in our circle of influence'
Burak defined men of God as those who “have the strength of character and virtue coming from the Lord in the power of the Holy Spirit to continue to persist, to continue to get up, to continue to repent, to walk down this road of masculine maturity.”
He also highlighted the role of the Holy Spirit in discipling younger men, through the fruits of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
“What would it look like if the men of the church were described with those words? The more you're transformed, the more you're able to be an agent of transformation for others. If the desire is to help people in your life meet Jesus, you need to have met him. None of it's possible without the power of the Holy Spirit. Pope Paul VI said there is no evangelisation without the Holy Spirit. This is not an endeavour of our own strength; it's a work of God.”
Considering how to reach young men who are tempted by the toxic world of the manosphere, Burak urged people to reach out to those they are already close to, at work, school or in their own families.
“I think the vast majority of the time, the Lord is calling us to share him with those who are already in our circle of influence," he said.
“We may never be canonised, but we're going to try to the best of our ability to respond to the Lord and to the Holy Spirit in our lives. And actually that's pretty darn powerful. And that will do a lot in the lives of our children and for the next generation.”
Pete Burak is a frequent speaker on discipleship and evangelisation and a monthly columnist for Faith Magazine and the host of two podcasts: Spirit-filled Leadership and The Hour. Pete and his wife, Cait, have five children. His latest book can be purchased here
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